The truth isn't always stranger than fiction but in these cases, it totally is.
1. Internet implodes after Celebration Bowl is decided by excessive celebration penalty
If you're unclear as to what the definition of irony is, please refer to this headline.
2. Irish woman is changing her name to ‘Donald Trump’ to raise money for sick husband
"It's a tremendous name I gotta tell ya."
3. Library cat outlasts councilman that wanted him gone
This is like the plot of a straight-to-netflix Disney movie.
4. Training center mistakenly exposed students to deadly ricin
How the hell does that accidentally happen?
5. Trump says China should keep the U.S. navy drone it seized
We should tell China that we don't want the drone they stole back.- let them keep it!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) December 18, 2016
@realdonaldtrump gets it done: "China says it will return US drone it seized https://t.co/xevxLTlIP3"
— Jason Miller (@JasonMillerinDC) December 17, 2016
So now he's only taking a day before he changes his mind on something.
6. Police rescue 'frozen' woman that turns out to be mannequin
Hate when that happens.
7. Lidl gravy granules found to contain harmful paint thinner chemical a week before Christmas
Maybe it's not a good idea to ingest the same stuff we use to remove paint from our walls, call me crazy.
8. States legalizing marijuana warned over kids mistaking drug for candy
Yeah, like you're totally going to mistake skunky-smelling grass for delicious candy.
9. UPS delivers assault rifle instead of child's Christmas gift
That kid'll shoot more than their eye out.
10. Fife OAP’s Christmas cock delights passers-by
I'm sure it did.
11. Why bees could be the secret to superhuman intelligence
I don't know, I've gotten stung by a bunch of bees and don't feel that much smarter.
12. 'Jeopardy!' contestant who died before show aired keeps win streak going
It'd be amazing if she comes back as a ghost and schools people from the afterlife.
13. Methamphetamine found in racehorse Party Till Dawn
You figure with a name like that...
14. Allen Iverson didn't lift weights during Hall of Fame career because they were heavy
Iverson just said he didn't lift weights when he played because "that shit was too heavy."
— Derek Bodner (@DerekBodnerNBA) December 17, 2016
15. RIP, Harlem deer: Beloved resident dies of 'stress' after bureaucratic tussle
Human beings are so messed up, we're even stressing animals out.
16. Nicky Morgan replaced by leather handbag on Have I Got News For You
I don't really know what this show is, but I like its style.
17. Cops wrong to act on hunch that suspect would poop drugs, judge rules
Usually I'd err on the side of not thinking people have stuff shoved up their butt, but the cop was actually right.
18. Paris museum calls Auschwitz a ‘Bauhaus architectural achievement’
"If you can ignore the fact that this was a place where millions of people were murdered, you can appreciate it's true architectural excellence..."
19. Gas station robbery suspect apparently wore drawn-on beard
These new male beauty standards are difficult to conform to.
from Distractify http://distractify.com/humor/2016/12/18/absurd-headlines-75
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